Thursday, July 28, 2011

I'm baaaaaaaack

I know some of you have been bugging me to post something.  I am so sorry I have been out of the loop. got in the way and I have been busy and when I am not busy I want to be lazy.  I moved.....a MONTH ago.  Holy h*ll.  I didn't realize it had been that long until just now.  Wow I really have been away for a while.  This post is not going to have any food tips, tricks, or recipes in it.  It's more of a hellllo I am still here and this is what is going on! :)

Since the move I feel like my life has been non-stop.  I have plans generally 3-4 nights during the week and at least 1.5 days during the weekend.  I have enjoyed a couple lazy nights or day on the weekend but for the most part I am constantly doing something.  This has the obvious pros and cons.  I have a social life.  This is not a bad thing at all, but sometimes its nice not to.  Does that even make sense?  I love and adore my friends and don't know where I would be without them but sometimes I just need some me time.  I feel like I have not taken any in a long time.  It's one of those things that I know I need some alone me time but when it comes down to it I get bored and feel like I am missing out.  What is wrong with me?  Why must I constantly need to be involved and knowing what is going on?  I don't! 

The past couple of weeks I have been struggling with quite a few things.  Some are known to some of you, some are not.  I came to realization this week that I NEED me time to get some of this figured out.  Life is about challenges, fun, excitement, hurt.....and so many other things.  No one has a perfect life..and mine is far from it.  I have flaws that I desperately want to rid myself of or at least improve.  The one that always ranks high on my list is always a constant struggle for me.  I haven't been vocal to anyone but really close friends regarding this but if you know me you can assume what it is.  Controlling my weight.  It is constantly a daily battle.  Everything I put in my mouth I am analyzing, criticizing and beating myself up about.  I count every single morsel one day and then the next I "don't give a f*ck" and then go back to beating myself up.  Will it ever end?  Nope.  It is something I will need to deal with and learn out to deal with.  Some people will never have to worry about this in their lives...consider yourself lucky.  This is miserable!  For the first time in years I do not have a gym membership.  Well ok that is a lie....i have one but it is currently paused.  I wasn't going.  I haven't gone. And I don't want to go.  I was paying $41 dollars a month for something I wasn't using.  Yes my company pays for a majority of it but I still couldn't justify it.  I can use the company money towards something else like a massage.  I paused it in the hopes that I will un-pause it soon.  We will see if that happens.  I talk about losing weight ALL the time.  I am educated in it and could probably blow some of your minds with all the knowledge I have.  I am constantly reading blogs, magazine and articles about it.  I have all the tools but no motivation.  Where is it?  Will I ever get it back?  I have done it before and it's not easy.  It takes a lot of work and time.  I know I am the only person that can do this.  No one can do it for me.  PERIOD! Ugh! 

Thank-you for listening.  That is all for now :)  I have been cooking more recently now that I am all moved in and back into a routine I will hopefully be posting at least once a week.  Stayed tuned and keep the comments coming.  I love hearing from everyone out there and it helps to know that someone is listening sometimes!




1 comment:

  1. Yay! I'm glad to see a post! I am so proud of you, sissy! You are such an amazing person, and I know you will accomplish anything you put your mind to. I'm here for you always!